I had a dream the other night that at first was a bit frightening, and then I found that it was a dream that taught a lesson. I believe in dreams, not just as a playground for the mind at night, but also as a way God communicates with mankind. This mission we’re on has been a struggle. It hasn’t begun like I expected. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into when I left home, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. It’s been so difficult, that I haven’t wanted to write about it, not in my blog, and not even in my personal journal. I don’t think I had perspective to understand what I was dealing with, and so I’ve muddled along, confused and out of place to some extent.

In my dream, I was back at home in Orem, Utah. I suppose it was important to be in neutral space outside of the mission. I was in front of my house, standing in the street. There was a wound in my arm at about the bend of my left elbow. As I looked down at this gash in my flesh, I detected movement in the tissue. I peered more closely and noticed that a small snake’s head began to emerge from within my muscle and gristle. I was immediately repulsed that another life form was inside of me, especially a snake’s. I should pause here to add that of all creatures under heaven, the one that strikes the greatest fear into me is the snake. I am repulsed beyond description, and it is the one animal I am most apprehensive about finding in my garden. To have one emerge from an open wound in my arm horrified me. I knew I needed immediate help but didn’t know where to go. In my panic, the snake continued to squirm out of my arm until it had completely exited the wound and then dropped to the ground. Before my eyes, I watched it grow both in length and in girth. It became disgustingly big and grotesquely ugly. It was fat around the middle, corpulent, and it had a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth, more like an eel. It was truly the creature of a nightmare. The scene now transitioned to a neighbor’s yard where children were playing, and “my snake” was threatening to attack a child. I felt responsible for unleashing this beast on the neighborhood and I knew I must subdue it. The best thing about dreams is that stage props can instantly appear from nowhere. I found in my hand a great and sharp machete blade. I swung it at the snake to cut its head off and kill it. The snake however was impervious to every blow I inflicted. Swing after swing yielded no effect on the venomous animal. With the help of friend, we captured the thing in an enormous jar, like an old pickle jar, where we could see it squirming and writhing within.

I placed the jar in my car to drive it back home. I was horrified, frightened, and stressed beyond any ability to control. As I drove, I looked down at that creature and realized in an instant what it was. I screamed from the depths of my soul at the snake with tears running down my cheeks, “I know what you are! You came out of me! I created you!” In the moment I understood that I had made the monster that terrorized me, it began shrinking in size until it was a tiny and harmless garden snake, and nothing to be afraid of. In fact, when I arrived home, I opened the jar lid to release the animal only to find it transformed into a cute and furry mammal. Upon exiting the jar, it immediately scurried to the front steps of my house and quickly burrowed underneath and away from all who were watching, and then my dream ended. At least that is all I remember.

There is no question in my mind that this dream is in response to my struggle to understand my place in the mission field. The impressions I felt at the end as I was coming to the surface of the dreamscape and attempting to open my eyes is that I’ve created my own problem, I grew it into a hideous beast, it came out of me. As soon as I assumed ownership of the problem, it immediately diminished before my eyes. It changed from a horrible monster that threatened me and everyone around me, to a cuddly and furry friend that lives under my front steps at home. I’m not afraid of it now. It didn’t come from an external enemy. It came from within my very bones. It has always been within my power to conquer, I was simply too afraid, paralyzed by fear. I’m gaining a brighter outlook and I’m anxious to see where I go day by day.

Now that several days have passed since the dream occurred, I’ve had a lot of time to think about its meaning. What I’ve noticed most is the inner peace from letting go of things I have no control over. I was trying to carry a weight that wasn’t my responsibility and attempting to direct traffic that wasn’t in my beat. The last few days have been great. I’ve worked hard and I’ve enjoyed the people around me. Mission life is the best. I just need to relax and enjoy the experience. In the weeks and months ahead, I’ll share what doors and windows are opening, what I am doing that I never expected, and the wonderful experiences that lay in our path ahead.